


if somehow you see this

by chinen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, I have nothing better to do, I miss erwin, Light Angst, M/M, Oneshot, and mobuhan, idk what im doing, this is self-indulgent and mediocre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chinen/pseuds/chinen
Summary: Wherein "Thank you, Levi" sounded a bit like "I'm always fighting alongside you, Levi" as Erwin's final words.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Kudos: 17





	if somehow you see this

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is so messy omg i'm running on 2 hours of sleep

_ "I'm always fighting alongside you, Levi." _

Levi Ackerman, humanity's strongest soldier, woke up in cold sweat as a new variation of Erwin's last words popped up unsolicitedly in his dreams. It was not like that was the first time dreams like that occurred, it happened abnormally numerous times already. Its frequency was what bothered Levi.

For as far as his memory could go, Levi received Erwin's final gesture of gratitude as his last words right before charging at the Beast Titan. "Thank you, Levi" was how he recalled it. 

Regardless of how morbid Levi saw the scene and how badly he wanted to eradicate the emotions associated with that goddamn look of relief in Erwin's face, it was as if the sight itself was etched in the most sensitive parts of his brain that no one—not even him—had the authority to tamper with.

And there was no way to get rid of it even if he wholely wanted to.

His back touched the wooden walls against his bed as he tried to compose himself. It wasn't like him to fret over something as trivial as a dream. However, it was so  _ him  _ to bring himself into momentary shambles when the residue of Erwin's life haunted him in his sleep.

"What a shitty commander," he told the air. Armin had once told him that the air was a phenomenal companion. It listened to whatever one had to say and, just before it got the chance to judge the conversation, the air dissolves into nothingness. Almost like what they partly wanted to happen to the grievances they present in the air.

"You act like you died a sensational death, Erwin," he continued. "Just a respectful reminder that you died  _ with  _ so many others charging at this humongous monkey. Not very sightly, you know."

"So stop visiting me whenever you like, I, too, need quality slee—"

He cut himself off. He remembered that Erwin  _ did  _ die a sensational death. A demise so spectacular that it brought Levi his biggest dilemma all throughout his life packed with countless adventures that tipped him of to the doors of death himself. Levi remembered the terror of seeing Erwin being carried on Floch's back and the ungodly sight of letting him down on a roof near a burnt Armin.

Everything else from that day was a blur. It was as if his gears started to fail when he placed his index finger near Erwin's mouth and getting a sign of life when a faint exhale brushed his skin; a trance he so badly wanted to get rid of.

"Look at you, Erwin, acting like Commander Hotshot," he told the air again. Levi laughed afterward, he made sure to call Hange that ugly ass nickname to spite them. 

"Last week, I dreamt of the same exact thing only with a different ending.  _ 'I guess we don't have a choice, then,'  _ that's what you told me."

"The week before that you said something like  _ 'Be careful'  _ which is really stupid of you, you know? A bit contradicting to tell me that before asking me to kill that moronic failure of an ape. Zeke, I mean."

"About a month ago, you told me,  _ 'Everyone is a slave to something,'  _ which is also very stupid of you because slavery should be abolished. Do better, funky brows."

"And a month before that, the first time that scene appeared in my sleep, you said,  _ 'I wish we had more time.'" _

Levi found himself wordless. He could not possibly decipher what relevance those dreams held but he couldn't brush it off just as much. The air he was speaking to began dissolving as it was replaced with a new set of molecules for the sake of ecological circulation. He decided to drop the thoughts in the meantime and prepped himself to head out.

He finished cleaning up and making himself presentable, all that was left for his morning routine was to eat whatever was edible in the kitchen. For that, he headed out to the dining area only to see Hange sitting on one of the chairs, face dropped flat on the table.

"Four-eyes," he called. Hange responded albeit a bit delayed. "Levi!" they greeted.

"What the hell are you doing here? Do you not have your own place? Were you kicked out of your own house? How morbid," he dryly joked. Hange shook their head rather quickly and continuously.

"Just needed an adult to talk to," they replied. "Everyone's assisting in the railroad construction and it's a little boring. How's the weather today?"

Levi cringed at their usual attempt for a normal conversation with the weather question. "The weather is shit," he answered casually. "Do you have nothing better to do, Commander Hotshot?"

Hange's eye lit up at the mention of the crappy nickname. "That  _ is _ such a cool alias."

"It isn't."

"It is!" They lightly exclaimed. "Where'd you get that, though? Were you hanging out with Jean lately?"

Levi shook his head while hesitating about telling them about the bizarre dreams. He decided that there was no need to tell Hange since they could and should not be bothered with something this small and the disturbance would brush off of Levi after a few hours of distraction. He did not need to delve into it any longer.

"You  _ are  _ the commander who reported about us reclaiming Shiganshina after all." He decided that it was the most optimal reply to Hange.

However, Hange dulled down a little afterward. It wasn't a cue for Levi to be cautious, though, they had met death together over and over again in their years as soldiers. The both of them braced their friendship through transparency, it was no use to dig more from the origin of their slightly tamed demeanor. 

"That was Erwin," they said.

"'Course it was," was all Levi replied. "How was—"

"Hey, you. I  _ did  _ say I needed an adult to talk to, am I right?" Hange rhetorically asked in a threatening manner that carried no weight of threat at all.

"You're not much of an adult yourself," Levi returned the banter. "What's it about? Is your back starting to hurt? Your knees giving up on yourself? Or is it the unprecedented preference towards raw almond?"

"Not  _ that _ . What an idiot," Hange insulted. "I'm just getting really lame dreams lately. Moblit and all."

Levi's ears perked up at that as he thought that maybe he and Hange had the same situation. "What's he doing in those dreams?"

"Nothing. Just him getting caught in the Colossal Titan's explosion," they answered, followed with a short pause. "And ' _ Hange-san'." _

"That's all that happens?"

"Pretty much. That's my last memory of him, you know? Kinda fucked one, too, huh." Hange laughed heartily as if they had achieved the pinnacle of comedy. "Come to think of it, though, when did we ever get last memories of our comrades that aren't fucked ones?"

"You're really asking me that? I'd say when we blew Rod Reiss up," Levi answered.

"He is  _ not  _ our comrade."

"I know that. It's just that this abomination of a titan was killed and all; that felt good."

A short pause.

"Yeah. Rod Reiss' titan did look different. I had Moblit sketch that but the ink in his pen wasn't enough so I stole from one of those artillerymen," Hange said with a really,  _ really  _ fond tone and look and expression and gaze and basically wherever fondness can stick itself.

"Moblit was a good guy, huh," Levi stated the obvious. He knew that very well from the very beginning.

"Yeah!" Hange lively said. "I'd say the same for Erwin."

Levi scoffed. "No one would call Erwin a 'good guy' outside us."

"Probably. Does it matter, though?" Hange left the question lingering in the air. The both of them knew that it didn't. Outside—even inside—Erwin was known to be a fearsome head of the Survey Corps. Some would say he was more of  _ just a guy  _ than a good guy; a guy that stood in the rift of good and evil in the mishap of strutting harm while aiming for the greater good.

"Doesn't matter," Levi said. "His goals were more important than his persona, war didn't stop in his death nor did peace start in his birth—he's just as how everyone else was modeled to live. The process, whatever the weight of the consequence is, all merit the same attainment to the goal. Erwin wasn't necessarily a  _ bad  _ or  _ good  _ person, he was just driven like all else. He was human."

"You're right! When did you get so wise?!"

"Ever since that guy entered my dreams like a madman. What a menace even in his death."

Hange laughed at the visible irritation from Levi though the gratitude of being able to come in terms with the remnants of Erwin—even just in the vague world of dreams—was not any less visible. They both fall into a comforting silence when the realization of their similar situations sank in.

_ "I wish we had more time." _

_ "Everyone is a slave to something." _

_ "Be careful." _

_ "I guess we don't have a choice, then." _

_ "I'm always fighting alongside you, Levi." _

Those sentences rang repeatedly in Levi's head as everything made sense.

He also wished that the both of them had more time because, given the chance, he would prefer Erwin to see whatever hid in Dr. Yeager's basement. The very content of the books, the truth Erwin sought his whole life, was something that would have thrilled him. Thrilled enough to generate a bigger expression of happiness as he finds out about the truth so many comrades surrendered blood and limbs to.

Levi felt a cold breeze in a usually hot afternoon. He brought up his right hand near his lip and, in contrast to the sign of respect the military had such as striking the left part of the chest, he briefly kissed the very hand that saluted to Erwin.

It was far from being a sign of military hierarchal respect. It was rather a sign of longing, admiration, and affection. Of  _ love.  _

He exhaled as he told the air, "Continue fighting alongside me. We'll keep winning until then."


End file.
